You feel good. Why? Because between the Instagram and Facebook apps on your phone screen, there’s that little white box with the eight pink circles. The Jane app. It’s practically begging you to open it. How could you possibly deny it? Just one quick look can’t hurt… right?
It’s so worth it when those pretty packages show up at your front door and you open them to reveal your new outfit This must be what heaven feels like.
Now, it’s time to showcase your outfit at the lunch you’re having with all your girlfriends this week. Talk about perfect timing! You glide into that cute café feeling amazing and your friends don’t let you down. They keep complimenting you on your new shirt, your pants, those gorgeous gold earrings you found at such a good deal. And as they fawn over you and your new look all you can say with a smile is:
“I got it on jane.com.” Immediately, the questions start coming and pretty soon your entire girl gang has the Jane app on their phones. It starts off innocent, just a group message of daily deals and the best finds. The new shoes Jennifer bought, the gorgeous pillow set Ashley found. But then the packages start piling up. Way more than you expected. Soon you’ve memorized exactly when the postman arrives and you’ve mastered the art of smuggling those delightful Jane packages into your closet.
But it gets worse.
You have an alarm set for 11:55 pm, so that every night you can silently slip into the kitchen and break out that bag of chocolate to accompany you as you work at record speed on the Jane app for those daily deals.
Sometimes you tell your family that you need to run an errand, only to sit in your car in the Trader Joe’s parking lot scrolling through the app for far longer than you intended.
You should’ve seen the signs the first day after you opened that app. Who would’ve known it would get this bad?
You know you should really listen to Marie Kondo’s advice and not keep adding and adding to your stuff. But guess what, Marie?! It does bring me joy! What am I supposed to do now?
As months pass, you realize that you simply cannot keep living this secret life. Someone is going to find out. So you look at that little app and finally say to yourself,
“We had some good times together: Black Friday shopping spree, Valentine’s Day deals, President’s Day finds, but I think I need some space. It’s not you. It’s me.” You hold back the tears and delete that perfect app from your phone.
Shouldn’t you feel better? Shouldn’t you feel complete? Probably, but there’s an empty space where Jane used to be.
No longer do those darling Jane packages *magically* show up at your front door. You open up your closet with dismay and think, “Oh, but it’s all the same now.” That joy, that special ping of happiness, it’s gone. It’s hard to sleep,hard to eat, thinking about all the deals you could be finding. What about all those boutiques? What are they going to do now?
You were helping them, right? You were actually contributing to the greater good. Didn’t you have a goal to help someone this month? So using the Jane app is more for the benefit of these boutiques, right? Who are we kidding?! You were practically a saint when you had the Jane app!
Sounds like a good enough reason. It pays to be a loving individual. Your thought process leads you to the app store, and before you know it, there it is again. Those eight little dots. A piece of your heart has returned. Back where it should be. Nestled in-between Instagram and Facebook.
Once again, all is right in the world.